Just One Selfish Wish
by DepressoxEspresso
Summary: Hiyori had always made wishes for others sake, but on new years day she finally decides to make one for herself.


**AN: Somebody stop me from writing Yatori fluff when I'm drunk**

* * *

Hiyori had many wishes over the past two years.

First, she had wished for her body to return to normal. A conflicting wish, now that she looks back on it. She was grateful for that wish, as it was the wish that allowed all her others to be able to manifest; yet, at the same time, she wasn't sure how much she wanted that anymore.

She had been told many times how her best chance at returning to normal would be to forget about the far shore, to cut ties with the people she had grown to consider a family. She knew her situation was not ideal, how her condition constantly threw her into the sickly arms of danger, but just thinking about forgetting a certain azure god and his gold companion made her fall into the darkness of despair.

That was were her second wish stemmed from; _her desire to stay with them._

She wanted to tutor Yukine more, she wanted to be pestered by Yato more, to laugh with Kofuku and Daikoku, be scolded by Tenjin and Mayu, to be connect with Bishamon and all her shinki. For better or for worse, no matter what risks came with it, she just couldn't let it go.

She didn't want to forget all the adventures they've had, didn't want to forget all the growth that they had all made over the past two years. They were all a part of her now. The near-shore and the far... the lines had begun to blur for her. The careful line she walked between the two no longer felt like a balancing act, and more like a wide corridor that she could dance through without slipping into either side.

The few times she had started to lose her memories of the far shore she had felt as if a part of her was missing. It was distressing, the heart wrenching feeling that she had forgotten something so important. It ripped at her soul, at her mind, threw her into depression and anxiety, always looking over her shoulder to see if who she had forgotten would be there somehow.

Her wish to stay entangled with the far shore was quickly evolving into a wish to stay entangled with Yato. She had wished through him many times, to stay with him longer, for him to achieve his goals, for him to become a god of fortune... She had made many wishes for his sake, but what about her own? What would she wish for now?

Her mother finished tying the back of her obi, brushing the hair that cascaded out of her bun over her shoulder. The motion brought Hiyori out of her thoughts momentarily as she slowly turned to face her mother.

She was wearing a lapis kimono that faded into a deep navy blue at the hems. Trailing up from her feet to her mid section was elaborate patterns of fireworks, sewn delicately into the thick fabric. Her obi was a faded mixture of yellows and oranges. Her hair was pinned up loosely with an antique kanzashi. Blue gems and rustic charms fell from one end, clicking together as she moved. The rest of her long hair was allowed to fall free to one side of her face.

She had chosen this kimono with him in mind. It wasn't her usual colour preference, but the striking blue reminded her of his eyes, the obi of his hafuri, and the fireworks of the brilliant colours of the ayakashi. It represented all three of them, coming together to form a harmonious balance.

Her mother commented on her grown up Hiyori looked, trying to hide the tears that threatened to fall as she inspected her daughter for any fixes that had to be made before she left. Satisfied that everything was in place, her mother handed her a small wrist bag before sending her daughter off into the illuminated night of the new year.

Children ran passed, chasing each other and laughing before they disappeared through the crowds once more. Vibrant colours bled into every corner of the near shore as people set out lanterns and lit sparklers. Ayakashi shied away from the sparkling beauty of the night, fleeing to the dark, unseen recesses of the world.

It was a chilly night, the bitter wind easily cut through the thick fabric of Hiyori's kimono, biting into her skin. The many scents of food wafted through the breeze, enticing the people of the near shore to their origins.

The wind brought another scent, one that only she could detect. The sweet scent of the gods, each one similar yet distinct in their own right. They must all be waiting for her at Tenjin's shrine. She smiled as she picked up her pace, carefully running as to not untie her garb.

She reached the top of the steps, panting from the restriction on her rib cage by her obi. Frigid air sliced through her throat with each breath as she searched the grounds for a particular god and his teenage weapon.

It only took a moment to locate the god in question, predicatively moving from food stall to food stall. His arms were full of paper boxes precariously stacked on top of each other. He had dressed for the occasion, wearing a black and grey haori, coat and hakama pants to match. Behind him, Yukine, dressed in a similar fashion, was stuffing every morsel of food that could fit into his mouth. Both of them moved through the crowds unnoticed, often taking one or two tries to earn the attention of stall employees.

She smiled brightly upon seeing the god and shinki. They had been through so much over the past year, it was a blessing they could see another new year like this at all. From the fight with Bishamon, going to yomi, the ordeal with her family hospital and finally the rebellion against Heaven itself, the life of a god was nothing short of a story book tale; one that could be torn and burned out of existence at a moments notice.

"oh, Hiyori!" Yukine called out for her through mouthfuls. The outburst brought Hiyori to Yato's attention. He turned to face her, mouth full of fried foods and a variety of sauces smeared over his lips. He swallowed hard, his adams apple bobbing hard as he hit his chest, struggling to get it all down. Yukine pounded on his master's back hard, assisting in the process.

Yato coughed hard when he finally managed to clear his throat, breathing hard as if to test the newly reopened organ. "H-Hiyori... _wow."_ he gawked, ice blue eyes tracing over her entire form as if drinking her in for every drop she was worth. His cheeks flushed a light pink, but perhaps Hiyori was just seeing things. It was cold, after all.

Her face, on the other hand, was burning up. She could feel his eyes move over her as she approached them. More over, she didn't mind it. Normally she would have retaliated, but today was somehow different. Perhaps her thoughts from earlier or the events of the previous year had made her more willing to accept that she appreciated the attention from him; even if it could sometimes get out of hand.

"Happy new year, you two." she smiled adjacent to the two boys. Crowds of people walked around Hiyori, whispering to each other upon -what was to them- seeing her speak to no one.

"Happy new year!" Yukine beamed with childhood wonder. _That's right, this is his first real new year celebration since he..._

"Happy new year!" Yato cut in, finally having regained his composition. He gave a small peace sign, careful not to drop any food, sticking out his tongue for good measure. He licked away some stray sauce from his lips. Hiyori giggled softly as she pulled out a small handkerchief from her wrist bag, carefully wiping away what he missed.

The contact served to reassure Hiyori that he was real, he was there, although to everyone else it probably looked like she was wiping air.

Yato stilled at the contact. His eyes fell down to hers, the magenta that he had become so familiar with seemed faded. Although she was smiling faintly, her expression was muted. His eyes searched hers, as if he could peer into her mind somehow and figure out why she was acting so different today.

"Hiyori, is everything okay?" Yukine asked, voicing the thoughts Yato had a hard time wording himself. Her eyes sprang back to life in an instant. She shook her head quickly before stepping back, placing her handkerchief back in her bag. "I'm fine, just a little tired I guess." She lied.

She wanted to enjoy the night, not be dragged down by her depressing thoughts. Yet, she couldn't deny that it had been wearing heavily on her mind ever since they returned from Takegamahagura. She wanted to stay with them forever, but her forever was nothing more than a blink of an eye compared to their eternity.

 _How many years will they continue existing after I'm gone? How many more people will they come to befriend? What journey's will they go on that I won't be apart of anymore?_

"That's no good, it's not even midnight yet." Yukine pouted as Yato stood and stared. "You gotta stay up to watch the first sunrise of the year with us!"

"Of course Yukine, I wouldn't miss spending the time with you for the world." She gave a sincere smile, she meant her words. Seeing him so stoic was rare, she'd enjoy every moment of it.

 _Even if I'm only going to forget it one day._

* * *

Hiyori's melancholy was mostly forgotten as the trio made their rounds through numerous stalls. They ate, laughed at odd sovieners that were being sold and fought when Yato insisted that he needed an overpriced good luck charm (ultimately dragging him kicking and screaming away from the booth).

Finally, they came across a series of game booths. One booth in particular caught Yato's eye, the booth had a variety of Capyper plush toys. He roughly grabbed Hiyori by the wrist before dashing over to the stall, roughly slapping a 100 yen coin down on the counter.

The stall hosted an old style carnival game. Small, brightly coloured capypers with small targets on their bellies spun around on a conveyor. Each row was set at different distances and increased in speed the further back it went. It seemed like the targets got smaller towards the last row, the number of targets decreased too. Judging by the amount of prizes that still hung proudly around the stall, it hadn't been beaten too often.

"Come one Yato, you can't be serious." Hiyori whined as Yato grabbed a tennis ball, "you do know these things are rigged, right?"

"You should put more faith in your god of fortune, Hiyori." He said with a smug side glance. He hitched up his sleeve, gripping the ball tight as he lined up the shot. His eyes wiped around, anticipating the quick movement of the bull eyes until he finally brought his arm down hard, sending the round object flying through the air and through the first two rows.

The ball made contact, breaking the small wooden figure off it's peg with a loud **snap.** Hiyori, Yukine and the stall keeper turned to Yato, mouths agape as he gave a triumphant cheer.

"T-take any one you'd like." The stall keeper sighed as he watched in disbelief.

Yato quickly pointed upwards, towards the largest capyper plush's on display. Yato reached up, grabbing a fairly large sized king capyper. He was smiling ear to ear as he thanked the stall owner, quickly handing the overstuffed doll over to Hiyori.

"Huh?" Hiyori's eyes widened in shock as she delicately took hold of the plush. It was softer than she'd expected, it was probably made of better materials than most of these types of toys tended to be made of.

"It's a thank you for sticking by me these past two years." Yato said calmly, his tone sweet and relaxed.

"Yato, I could-" Hiyori was cut off by Yukine who was flailing his arms around widely behind Yato.

 _It's not often he does things for others! Just take it!_ Yukine mouthed.

"Thank you Yato." she caved. She looked down at the doll in her arms, relaxing as she hugged it. It reminded her of a certain god who used the same crown logo, plus, she did have to admit that the plush _was_ cute.

Yato's face reddened, his entire face lighting up in childlike wonder as Hiyori hugged the doll. For once he had done something _right._ He loved seeing Hiyori happy more than anything else in the world. He'd do anything just to ensure that happiness.

She had saved him, literally and figuratively. He probably never would have become the god that he was today if not for her, hell, he probably wouldn't even be alive if not for her. Hiyori deserved more than a stupid stuffed toy from a stall, she deserved the world.

"Yuck," Yukine stuck his finger in his mouth as he made a gagging gesture, "get a room, you two."

"Why you little brat!" Yato chastised, gripping Yukine tightly by the collar and bringing him into a headlock, his knuckles pressing deep into his scalp as the hafuri struggled to get out of his tight grip.

"Yato, cut it out! I can't breathe through your pit stink!"

Hiyori hid her face behind her sleeve as she giggled at their antics. They never changed, even after everything that's happened. They just enjoyed every day for what it was; after all, they didn't have to worry about the future. The future was always going to be open to them... they had forever.

Hiyori cast her gaze downwards. There she went again, thinking of pessimistic things. Why couldn't she just enjoy the time she _did_ have with them now...

"Hiyori, you're making that face again." Yukine stopped fighting his master, although his head was still locked in his arms. Hiyori didn't hear him, his voice drowned out by the sounds of other people and her own thoughts.

She didn't notice when Yato released his shinki, approaching her until he was mere inches away from her, his sweet scent radiating off him in intoxicating waves. "Hiyori, if anything is wrong you can tell me. We can take you back home."

"N-no!" Hiyori snapped out of her daze, looking into his blue eyes pleadingly. "I'm fine, seriously. Please, I don't want to go home, I want to stay with you longer."

"You keep saying that, but your actions say otherwise, Hiyori." Yato wasn't fooled. Of all the times he decided to actually be receptive of her mood it _had_ to be now. Hiyori hugged her plushie tightly, as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. "Please, Hiyori. I want to be there for you, but I can't do that if you keep everything to yourself."

His eyes searched hers, piercing deep into her, silently begging for her compliance. All she could smell was _him._ It was too much, she panicked. She had intended to hit him, to just try to get him to back up just a little bit, but she hesitated. Her hand hovered in front of her, her finger tips numb from being out in the cold for so long. She held it there for just a moment before returning it to her side, spinning as to escape his piercing gaze, desperately trying to recompose herself.

"I said I'm fine." She winced as her voice quivered, she hoped it wasn't obvious. "Let's just go to the rest of the stalls."

* * *

They visited the last of the stalls, a somber air radiating over all of them. They spent the time in uncharacteristic silence.

Every now and then she caught Yukine whispering something to his god, or they would walk considerably ahead of her before enthusiastically beckoning her to them once more.

Finally, having exhausted every other activity of the night, Hiyori found herself before the offering well.

What would she wish for this year? For once, she didn't know.

She had made many wishes over the past two years, all of which she still wanted. But there was one wish that was nagging at her all this time, one that she had difficultly putting into words.

What she wanted more than anything was to spend forever with Yato and Yukine, she wanted to spend every day with them, never fearing that one day she'd grow old and forget about them.

She knew this wish was impossible to grant. She was still alive, even if she did walk the border between the two shores.

She tightly gripped onto her coin, unwilling to toss it into the alter. She stared at the golden coin, watching it gleam as she shook. How long had she been shaking?

Her throat felt tight, her eyes stung. The air was cold in her lungs, everything around her was slowing down to a halt around her. She could hear the clang of coins falling into the well, the noise echoing in her head endlessly, the rhythmic sound reminding her of a lullaby.

What she _truly_ wanted, more than anything else, she could never actually have.

She squeezed her king capyper, burying her face into it's soft fabric. The coin, now safely gripped in the palm of her hand dug into the skin, leaving an imprint. The reality of it had always been known to her, so why now? Why here?

Why couldn't she had this _one_ selfish wish?

"Hiyori, I brought you a wish plague. You should wish to me this year!" Yato approached from behind, "I can grant your wish better than that old Tenjin any day!"

Hiyori quickly wiped her face, still gripping the coin tightly in her palm. She gently took hold of the wooden plague, running her fingers along the rough surface as she took a deep breath in an attempt to recollect herself.

She took the marker from Yato, careful to avoid eye contact. "Can we go somewhere a little quieter?" She asked gingerly.

Yato peered down at her cautiously, unsure of what she was thinking. She wasn't looking at him, her thick bangs covered her eyes. Her lip quivered as she worried at it, slightly bruising the soft skin.

He felt his blood rush to his face, bringing with it an uncomfortable warmth. "Are you actually going to wish to me this year?"

Hiyori didn't answer directly, instead making her way towards the less populated area of the large shrine. Yato followed suit, keeping his distance. He watched her as she moved gracefully through the grounds, the firework patterns on her kimono seemingly coming alive with each step.

Yato peered around the shrine, watching out for any gods or shinki that may be watching over the holy building. Hiyori stood behind him now, static as she waited for him.

Satisfied that no one was around to catch them, he carefully pried open the shrine door, beckoning Hiyori to follow before he shut the door once more, effectively shutting the two off from the rest of the world.

The inside of the shrine was empty, save for two benches on either side. Light streamed in through the slated openings, illuminating the inside just barely. The sounds of the outside world muffled though the walls, but it was more or less silent.

"Man, Yukine would hate it in here." Yato tried to joke. Even though the shrine was fairly large he still felt uncomfortable.

Hiyori placed her capyper plush on one of the benches, her back turned to Yato. He watched her from over his shoulder, unsure of what to do or say.

"Yato..." Hiyori whispered, just barely audible. Yato turned to face her, the floor creaking under the movement.

Hiyori took a deep breath as she squeezed the 5 yen coin in her palm even tighter.

"If I die... would you make me your shinki?"

Yato flinched at her words as if he had been cut. He staggered for a moment, struggling to find the right words and failing miserably. He grabbed Hiyori by the shoulders a little harder than he would have liked, spinning her around roughly. He was holding her at arms length, his eyes flitting around wildly.

 _"You're not going to die."_ Yato finally managed to croak out the words. He was finding it hard to breathe. "What... what makes you say that?"

Hiyori began to shake again. She was gripping her wooden wish plague tightly, digging her nails into the hard wood, uncaring of any splinters that pierced her digits.

"It's nothing... forget it."

"LIKE SHIT IT'S NOTHING!" Yato snapped, "You've been like this all day, it's not like you Hiyori!"

He paused, taking a deep breath before bringing his hands gently to her face, carefully raising her head to look at her face. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

"Why do you do this to me, Yato... why do you keep trying so hard for my sake." Her voice cracked on the last syllable but she didn't care. "Why keep me in your life when I'm only going to grow old and die one day. This is all for nothing!"

Yato froze. He had heard Yukine repeat the exact same fears regarding her.

"Does being around me hurt you that much?" Yato asked, his voice pained. "Man, I really am I screw up. I should've never dragged you so far into the far-"

"NO!" Hiyori closed the distance between them, dropping her plague as she lay flat against his chest. She pounded her fist holding the coin lightly against his breast while the other gripped at the fabric of his haori for dear life.

"Never, _ever_ say that again!" Hiyori cried out against him, "You're not a screw up! You're not a source of depravity in my life but the opposite! I thought that if I just focused on today, on what I had with you now it would all be okay but I _can't do it anymore!_ Yukine and you... You mean so much to me... I... I love you both so much."

The words sprang out of her before she could stop them. The emotions she had been questioning for so long finally becoming clear.

"I... I love you Yato. Is that so wrong if I do? Why can't I just have this one selfish wish... Why?!" She looked up, her eyes searching his face, pleading for a response.

Yato stood still, his arms falling to his side. His eyes looked distant, cold and unfeeling. He had no expression, his previous rage long lost.

Hiyori felt the familiar sting of fresh tears burn her eyes, her throat felt dry and torn, the pain emphasized as it clamped shut in a frail attempt to hold back her tears. "I'm sorry..." she muttered as she tried to move away from the god.

The world around her was spinning, all the blood seemingly having left her body, leaving her cold and hallow. She barely even noticed when Yato pulled her into a tight hug, only being stirred by the sudden warmth of her tears that had stained his shirt against her face.

"do you mean that?" He ventured to ask, unsure if his voice would even work through the shock. "Or are you just saying it?"

"I mean it." she breathed against his ear.

"You... you don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that, Hiyori." Yato's voice wavered as he spoke. He hugged her tightly, embracing her as if if he let go, she'd be gone forever.

Outside the world sprang to life, loud bangs shaking the everything around them as numerous shades of pinks, blues, greens and yellows filtered into the shrine. It was finally new year's day. Hiyori and Yato had welcomed in the new year embracing and crying together.

"I think I'l ready to make my wish." Hiyori relaxed as she breathed in Yato's unfiltered scent. She buried her face deeper into the fabric of his haori, her cheeks burning up from embarrassment and anticipation.

"R-really?!" Yato stuttered, "You're actually going to make your first wish of the year to me?!"

Hiyori laughed against him before separating herself from him just marginally. His grip was still tight on her, although he had given her a little space to move. She relaxed her hand, relishing in the feeling as the pressure from the coin dissipated.

She sniffled, giving him a small smile as she grabbed his right hand. The warmth slowly brought her own fingers back to life. She opened carefully placed the coin in his hand, taking it in both of her hands now and carefully making him grab his fingers around it.

"I want you to stop thinking so low of yourself." She said calmly, deciding not to go with her selfish wish after all. _I want you to kiss me._

Yato looked down at his hand, his lips shaking into a smile, then a laugh.

"Come on Hiyori, you're always making wishes for my sake. Isn't there anything _you_ want?" He leaned in closer, bringing his hand to her cheek, wiping the last of her tears away with his thumb. His eyes meeting hers made her face ignite in a furious blush, _He had seen right through her._

" _Kiss me_."

"That's _somewhat_ better." He grinned coyly, leaning in to close the last of the small space between them. His bangs brushed against her nose causing her to twitch away from the tickling sensation.

"You sure you really want this?" He stopped his advance just shy of her lips from her twitch, his breath warming her icy cheeks. Both of them knew that there was no going back after this. It would change their entire dynamic, for better or for worse.

 _But she still wanted it._

Hiyori pulled him by his coat gently, silently urging him to continue, physically voicing what she was far too embarrassed to say.

A second later she felt his lips, soft and warm just barely skim over her own. A feather light kiss that sent sparks through her entire body.

Yato pulled away, his face burning red. Even now he was holding back, scared he would hurt her. "Not good enough." Hiyori scolded, wrapping her arms lightly around his neck and pulling him own another kiss. Yato didn't protest, pressing hard against her mouth as he pulled her in close. She wrapped her fingers around the baby hairs at the base of his neck, twirling them lightly as he gently caressed her cheek. The world dissipated until there was nothing left but Yato.

The last of the fireworks fizzled out as the couple reluctantly broke apart, panting through rapidly beating hearts. She had made her selfish wish after all, the first she had ever made - and yet it still didn't feel that selfish.

"We better get going before Yukine wonders where we went." Hiyori stated as she watched the last of the fiery colour burn out of existence. Yato's disappointment was evident on his face as she collected her king capyper and wish plague.

She looked down at the blank surface, thinking of what she should write. She quickly scrawled her wish down before handing it to Yato.

Yato smiled as he read the swirled characters on the plague:

I _wish that I never forget the person I love the most. -Hiyori Iki._

She would worry about the future when it came; but for now, she would enjoy every moment she had with the god.


End file.
